Devondancer update

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:19 pm

Your anger is righteous, and it needs an exit vent, so do come rant to us when it gets to you.

That said, I must tell you that you are in a position where letting it retain any hold at all on you right now is destructive. You don't have the power to do anything about it right now, and even if you did, you need to keep getting Lesley well as the top priority right now, with your own health right on a par with it. After she is out of the woods and you two have a chance to trust health and wellbeing again, then you can tackle it.

We went through something like this fairly recently, and the anguish and anger the mate went through nearly destroyed her. She had to come to grips with the fact that there was nothing she could do about the situation, but that she could, after her own recovery, work to see to it that such things don't happen to others, and to help other people going through such difficulties. That has helped her a lot.

HDSarah · Post by **HDSarah** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:42 pm

Roland,

I couldn't check in on C&F for a day and I find there's been another plunge in the roller coaster, thankfully followed by an upturn. You have my sincerest hope that it keeps going up.

I think Annie gave you really good advice above. Take care of yourself; take care of Lesley. Vent when you need to and then let it go. Your love and support really DO help Lesley. I hope that the love and support of all of us here at C&F can help you, too. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that although we've never met in person, I care about Lesley and about you, and I'm pulling for you both.

peeplj · Post by **peeplj** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:48 pm

I won't be a frequent visitor on the boards anymore, and might not see future updates as they happen, so I just wanted to take this chance to wish you both all the best things, now and always.

Love each other, enjoy your time together, and help each other heal.

With warmest regards and healing thoughts,

--James Peeples

cowtime · Post by **cowtime** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:53 pm

Know that you both continue to be in my prayers for strength and healing.

Cork · Post by **Cork** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:23 pm

I suppose her situation could prove the rule, that two steps forward and one step backward could still amount to progress!

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:04 am

We will cope with this. Lesley has already totally come to terms with it. She knows she did what she should have, the best for her patient and for the staff who are also in her care. She does not blame the patient at all, and hopes that the "system" itself has learned something. As far as she is concerned, these things happen and have to be got over.

From my point of view this has not been so easy. I see gross negligence resulting in life-changing and life-threatening injury to the person I love most dearly. However, apart from anger, I do not feel the need to go and break things or sort people out. I appreciate that in her job there are risks: this was not the first time she had been injured by a patient, and we had got over that. The anger is still there, but it is for what has happened to Lesley rather than directed at anyone. I don't think that it is going to destroy me, or even harm me now, although it might have done. I feel confident that with Lesley with me, I also will put this behind me. Had she not survived, things might have been very different.

Thanks for your advice and encouragement.

Incidentally, how do you get those smilies to go into your posts?

Ro

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:16 am

When posting a reply there are emoticons on the left - click on one to add it.

View More Emoticons brings up some more, less generally useful ones.

People also have their own particular favourites which you can save for later use.

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:37 am

!!
Ro

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:48 am

Excellent!

susnfx · Post by **susnfx** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 9:09 am

devondancer wrote: !!
Ro

Good work. That's the spirit!

Susan

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:22 am

I went in to see Lesley as usual this afternoon, having returned to normal visiting hours since her health is improving. It means I can do the housework (!), which I am now expert at!

When I got there I thought she looked very down, although she was trying hard to hide it. I discovered why: she had been allowed up for a short time this morning, thought "Great, I can get to the loo at last", forgot she can hardly walk and fell flat on her face. The bruises didn't bother her (although impressive), but the realisation that she still has to relearn to walk did. Poor love. No, my anger has NOT gone away. I could do severe injury to the person who made her feel like this.

Those help, though! She will do it, she had just forgotten she needed to, after all she has been through over the last few days. A nasty shock for her.

Luckily, I just happened to have with me two Joanie Madden CDs, bought at the suggestion of a friend, so we spent the afternoon listening to them. Lesley has fallen totally in love with John of the Glen, The Twisting of the Rope (which she says is not the version she knows) and Homesteaders. She is now desperate for a whistle so that she can play them. If her surgeon agrees I shall relent and take her one tomorrow! At least I can put her out of that misery!

I took the dance CD too, but I think that Lesley had written the dance while she had forgotten she would not be able to dance it. She put it on one side, saying she will listen to it later, but I'm not sure she will. I hope she writes it down, because her dances are lovely and I should hate it to be lost, but I can see how she feels today.

We both hope that she can come home before much longer, but the docs do not want to rush things. She was so ill only a couple of days ago and they will take no more risks with her. I am grateful, but will be glad when she is home. She heals better in her own place.

Again, thanks from both of us for all your messages and support. I read them all to Lesley and she enjoys them immensely. I have also been told to take an atlas tomorrow, so that she can find out where you all live, geography not being her strongest point. She can do countries but is not so good on states and other divisions.

Ro

SteveShaw · Post by **SteveShaw** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:25 pm

Well done both of you. Make sure the Atlas covers all foreign countries, including Cornwall. Keep the good news coming!

jkwest · Post by **jkwest** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:57 pm

Roland...this is my first post during your time here...I have been following what you two have been going through, but, could never think of anything to say.

I have been praying for you both.

God Bless,
Jake

missy · Post by **missy** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:55 pm

Here's a map of the eastern part of the US, with Cincinnati marked. If you look real close, you'll see me waving (maybe).

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:01 pm

Thanks, Missy - the map is great! The States are so big! Steve, we can cope with Cornwall, and can even find Bude! Jake, thank you for your kind message. Lesley will be thrilled to get to know someone else. She loves all her internet messages each day, and I have to print them out before I go to see her, so she can keep up to date.
Ro