The Official Chiff & Fipple 100 Question UK Citizenship Test

[benhall.1]

40. How much enthusiasm can you generate over Christmas Crackers?

Ah. Now you're talking.

The food is such reliable topic material, isn't it.

So ... you do know that Mutie isn't referring to food, yes?

[Nanohedron]

You wouldn't think that as an actual fisherman I totally suck, would you.

C'mon, folks: only sixty more to go.

[Nanohedron]

the Scepter'd Isle

Huh? Wha' tha'?

Philistine.

Are you referring to our famed scepticism?

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed, entirely. And my mother (sorry: me mum) would surely agree.

41. The Craven Meeting is an annual gathering of toadies, the spineless, and pint snatchers. True or false?

[Peter Duggan]

42. Craven Cottage is a football ground. True or false?

[Nanohedron]

43. Pronounce "leisure", "garage", and "schedule".

[Peter Duggan]

42. Craven Cottage is a football ground. True or false?

Might have been smarter to ask if the Craven Meeting meets at Craven Cottage?

Anyway...

44. Pronounce 'Menzies', 'Colquhoun' and 'Urquhart'.
45. Pronounce 'Macdonald', 'Macleod', 'Macrae' and 'Machinery'.

[Nanohedron]

44. Pronounce 'Menzies', 'Colquhoun' and 'Urquhart'.
45. Pronounce 'Macdonald', 'Macleod', 'Macrae' and 'Machinery'.

Ha. Just as I was about to ask:

46. Which Scottish coastal feature is named for this tough customer?



47. When you go to Swansea you can observe, as the name suggests, rafts of the oceangoing swans peculiar to that region. True or false?

[benhall.1]

the Scepter'd Isle

Huh? Wha' tha'?

Philistine.

Are you referring to our famed scepticism?

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed, entirely. And my mother (sorry: me mum) would surely agree.

Well, as it now turns out, I was just a tad hasty. The spelling I'm used to is based on the modern, correct (I.E. British) spelling of "Sceptre" and hence of either "Sceptred", as in the renowned Radio series "This Sceptred Isle" or "Sceptr'd". However, I see that my old Collins Pocket Classics Edition of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare has the spelling "Scepter'd". It is, however, a very old book, and so is likely to be almost as behind the times as the American version of the language.

[Nanohedron]

It is, however, a very old book, and so is likely to be almost as behind the times as the American version of the language.

We like to think instead that we preserve a living heritage.

[Peter Duggan]

48. Englishcombe, Scotswood, Welshpool. Which is the odd one out?

[benhall.1]

It is, however, a very old book, and so is likely to be almost as behind the times as the American version of the language.

We like to think instead that we preserve a living heritage.

... if you can call it living ...

[sniff]

[Nanohedron]

It is, however, a very old book, and so is likely to be almost as behind the times as the American version of the language.

We like to think instead that we preserve a living heritage.

... if you can call it living ...

[sniff]

Ooh. Snarky. Did you poke your eye with a biscuit?

[benhall.1]

We like to think instead that we preserve a living heritage.

... if you can call it living ...

[sniff]

Ooh. Snarky. Did you poke your eye with a biscuit?

"Just the place for a Snark!" the Bellman cried

[Nanohedron]

BTW and just as an aside here (for on behalf of my country I am growing jealous of all this attention being lavished upon our UK cousins), while searching for an example of what might be Peter Duggan's pronunciation of "machinery" (I am beginning to suspect it was a trick question), I instead came across an exerpt from the book American English by H. L. Mencken (1921, chapter 7), wherein he says:

We are, in brief, a somewhat snuffling people, and much more given to catarrhs and coryzas than the inhabitants of damp Britain.

Odd. I would have thought in the weather's case that it should be the other way around. But with neither paying either any compliments as it stands, maybe that's Mencken's idea of diplomacy. But in giving him the benefit of that doubt, then Mencken ought better to have written it, "...than are the inhabitants of...". Otherwise, the original could mean that we snuffly Americans would rather have mucus-ridden colds than associate with the sodden British. I'd rather think he wouldn't have meant it that way.

Speaking of behind-the-times English, there's "catarrh" for you. Even we Merkins don't use the ungainly word any more; "guitar" is more, well, musical-sounding. I had to look up "coryza", though. I've never heard it that I recall, so as a term for a head cold maybe it's obsolete by now too. An interesting exerpt from a Wikipedia quote of physician Andrew Wylie notes:

The ancient Romans advised their [coryza?] patients to clean their nostrils and thereby sharpen their wits.

Nosepicking doesn't make me smarter. It sure doesn't make me look smarter.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programme.

[Peter Duggan]

while searching for an example of what might be Peter Duggan's pronunciation of "machinery" (I am beginning to suspect it was a trick question)

Hmmm... let's just tell you a wee story... can't remember where I first heard this one but do remember, many years ago, telling my aunt that so-and-so (can't remember who) had 'even fallen for the machinery joke'. So she asked 'what's the machinery joke?' and of course I started up 'say M-A-C-D-O-N-A-L-D' (it's a spell-it-out-in-speech thing, you see) or whatever (MacDonald's a pretty reliable starter) and, after a few more proper Macs, got her to say 'Mac Hinery'. And that's the 'machinery joke'!