Hotel California: Best. Version. Ever.

[MTGuru]

It's our unofficial theme song here on the Chiff, so getting it right is important. And it turns out I've been hearing it wrong all these years. But now there's hope, thanks to this clip from what is apparently "Kazakh Idol".

So here are the correct lyrics. The implications for official Chiffboard policies are simply mind-blowing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn5fOhlCp-8

In the darkest of highway
Cooler heat in my hair
I'm a small of colitas
Whizzing up to there
On the high no more distance
I sue a chamois light
Mama hates us, so comb my hair
I had a sarong the night

Tina lives in the Shah, chum
Cool shimmy against the men
Come and let me get your sass up
Disaster mark us men
Yeah you're this, or Mombasa
So what's to my poor Zen
Give me Norway, heard the mash-up
Go raid some, seize our men

Welcome to the Hotels California
Such a lovely pace, such a lonely place
Whizzing a gnat so a Hotel California
Any time of year, you can find it here

Mama teats on a tree sap
She gotta make Sutter's bells
She got a low pretty pretty boy
Said this cork is so cool, my Prells
Mama dance on my hot car
Sweet summer sweat
Mama gets it, so comb my hair
I had to scrawn the night

The evidence shimmy, Shasha
Cold shin against the men
Come and let me be disaster
Disaster mark us men
I was never your boy
So just there were cars away
Give me more, it's just a mash-up
Steal us some gin and play

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place, such a lonely place
Living a love at the Hotel California
If a nice upright, it's an alibis

In the dark it's a hot tail
Cooler heat in my hair
I'm a small of colitas
Whizzing up to the where
I'm behind, I'm a distance
Of sue schmearing light
Mama hates us, so comb my hair
I had to throng the night

[hans]

Ahhh...
thank you, this was just what was needed to start this day!

[fearfaoin]

"Disaster mark us men", indeed.
I'm always afraid that's how I sound when I sing in Gaelic.
It's striking, at 4:45 when they pan out from the stage. The audience seems to be comprised of about 40 men in dark suits standing in front of the stage.

[Cayden]

I think they should have invited Arnold Shwarzenegger to join them as a guest vocalist. Hey, they may have even shared their trade secrets on diction. Da baine in Maine stalls mostly on da train. . .

Cayden

[ytliek]

It's a global village... different strokes for different folks

[Feadoggie]

Wow!

Two thoughts hit immediately and a third followed after viewing the performance.

First, Henley probably has his goons on the way to Kazahkstan right now.

The second thought is more hopeful. Unlike the Eagles' vision, in this case you can check out and still leave.

And lastly, It's nice to know that guitarists world wide have slavishly studied the licks of Felder and Walsh. Although I can't see that either guitarist is actually playing them.

Thanks for posting that.

Feadoggie

[Nanohedron]

Although I can't see that either guitarist is actually playing them.

They were magical guitars. I wouldn't have the eye to see any melody/fingering mismatches, but it was hard to miss that the guitars kept playing after their players put them down to take a bow...

[I.D.10-t]

Wireless guitars tend to have a bit of a delay.

[Nanohedron]

Hmm. I watched it again, and this time I see that I was wrong. Guess it was just the male singer that put down his mic. Never mind...

[trill]

"Whizzing a gnat so a Hotel California"

It was painful to watch.

There were conspicuously few moments where the sound/instrument correlation could be checked. Maybe the cameraman was dizzy. I must say, though, I'm skeptical.

[MTGuru]

"Whizzing a gnat so a Hotel California"

Have you ever tried to whizz a gnat? It's trickier than you think. Sometimes I can't even hit the bowl.

The second thought is more hopeful. Unlike the Eagles' vision, in this case you can check out and still leave.

Yes, exactly. Apparently, we're going to have to rethink our whole Hotel California policy, since the critical line is missing!

It's also clear that the main theme of the song has to do with combing your hair. So we may have to add a Personal Hygiene and Grooming section to the CCCP.

[benhall.1]

Thank you for the excellent job on transcribing the lyrics, Mr MTGuru Sir. I, being forever in your shadow in this respect, hesitate to make any alternative suggestion not entirely in keeping with your own. Nevertheless, I would venture - tentatively - to suggest that
the lines "On the high no more distance" and "I'm behind, I'm a distance" may, in fact, be the same line, being instead "I'm behind on my distals".

I think you'll find that, if you but make that one small adjustment, the entire thing makes an harmonious and sensible whole.

[MTGuru]

They were magical guitars. I wouldn't have the eye to see any melody/fingering mismatches

Well, the guy playing the Les Paul clone does sort-of OK at faking it until he gets to the double-tracked solo at 4:22, where he gives up.

"I'm behind on my distals".

Ben, I think you're experiencing what is commonly known as synaesthetic interference. Clearly, instead of focusing properly on the guitarists' fingers, you're concentrating on the young lady's bum. Can't say I blame you.

[MTGuru]

It's striking, at 4:45 when they pan out from the stage. The audience seems to be comprised of about 40 men in dark suits standing in front of the stage.

Yes, that's the entire Kazakh State Committee for Pop Idols (Kazstatcompopid). The current Five Year Plan involves covering the entire Eagles repertoire, before moving on to The Foo Fighters in 2015. And they make Simon Cowell look like a complete wussie. You really don't want to get voted off. Can you say "Pussy Riot" and "Gulag Idol"?

[MTGuru]

Getting serious for a moment ... The girl is supposed to be singing the English lyrics. Judging by her accent, I'd guess she has at least some familiarity with English. And in this day and age, why she wouldn't just grab the words from one of the zillion lyrics sites and mimic them is a mystery. But she's locked into her misheard version, except where she's just making it up.

OTOH, the guy is singing in (what I presume is) Kazakh. So for his parts, I "Buffalaxed" them in the great tradition of Benny Lava ("My loony bun is fine, Benny Lava!"). And it's striking that if you read the transcription along with the singing, it's hard to convince your brain that's NOT what he's saying. There's got to be a Ph.D. dissertation just waiting to be written.

Turns out there's a Japanese word for this: Soramimi. But no general English term. Mondagreen doesn't really apply, since this process involves intentional, deliberate mis-hearing.

So I hereby propose "Trashlation" as the official English term for soramimi. There, you read it here first.